It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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