I am puke
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
