I cannot find my penis.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
