Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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