A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
