i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
