I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
