There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
