Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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