Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
