I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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