Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize