Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I understand Curling. That high.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
whose parrot is this?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
