Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We need to get me chipped asap
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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