**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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