he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
