I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
