like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
