Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
