I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
