Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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