Don't you send me to vm
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
