in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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