These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
