Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Can Purell be used as lube?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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