Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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