I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
