he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
