I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
