she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
