to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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