I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
