i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
