i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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