There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
