After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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