It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
