escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
