life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want to be your penis for a week.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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