Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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