..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
