from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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