"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
