Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
