so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
