she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
