she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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