remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
