If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So vagazzling was a success
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
