All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize