I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
