I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Randomize
