He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
