I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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