idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
