Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize