We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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