Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
