I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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