i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
