Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
