You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
