i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
