Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
