we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
