i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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