i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
