3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
