My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
