So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
