you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
