dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
