Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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