Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
