He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
