it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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