come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
