I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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