12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize