as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Randomize
